Olympic Closing Ceremonies Done Properly by Scruffy

The British Olympic Organizers contacted me about a do-over for the closing ceremonies, something about the music not being "Great British-y" enough. I said I would do it only if I could get artists from all over the UK. Of course, the budget has been blown, and they have only given me 20 minutes to come up with new stuff, so here it is. John Lydon/Johnny Rotten is going to pop out of a cake. Not a fake cake, either, but real one, made by the British version of the Cake Boss. But that's only if the remaining members of the Sex Pistols will join him. If not, he will come out of some kind of pudding and just do a Public Image Ltd. tune.



Next Manic Street Preachers will putt-putt in on beat-up old scooters.



Ian Hunter will parachute in. 'Cause he's cool like that.



Echo and the Bunnymen will magically appear to ener the stage rowing a smallish boat.



Buzzcocks are going to be catapulted through a giant heart.



Robyn Hitchcock is going to be spewed out of the mouth of giant frog or giant spider, he hasn't decided yet.



The Darkness will flicker out of the Olympic Flame itself. The Olympic Organizers wanted Queen, but Mercury is dead - we can't just play video or have a bloody hologram, right?



Happy Mondays will find their way one by one out from a giant Kangol hat.



The Kinks' Ray and Dave Davies are going to walk in arm-in-arm on a cloud.



Judas Priest will roll in on skateboards. They may perfomr with the London Symphony Orchestra.



The Waterboys will ride in on garishly-festooned elephants.



Nick Lowe gets to play whatever he wants and enter the stage however he wants. He's frickin' Nick Lowe.



Billy Bragg will be carried by men in expensive suits.



There are a few more artists we are working on, they will have to wait for another post one we finalize them. Who do you think is a must-have?